How Much is Enough Food?

Rarely do I give a workshop on introducing solid foods to babies or feeding toddlers and preschoolers (including picky eaters) where a parent doesn’t ask how much food they should feed their child. It’s quite an easy question for me to answer. And, the answer applies to any meal or snack for a child of any age:

As much as they are hungry for.

If this answer surprises you, you’re not alone. This answer usually is met with confused faces. So, let me expand. As the adult, it’s your role to provide opportunities to eat 5 or 6 times a day. It’s your child’s role to choose how much to eat.

I recognize that it’s difficult to trust them to know how much to eat. But it really is best to do so.

We’re born being able to know when we are hungry and when we are satisfied. Over time, through social pressures, we learn to not listen to our bodies and instead look to external cues for how much to eat. This is associated with higher rates of eating disorders and obesity.

Studies show that when kids are raised in households where they’re told to stop eating before they’re satisfied (i.e. because the adult believes that their child has “had enough”), they learn to sneak food and gorge on food when they get the opportunity.

On the flip side, when kids are forced to eat more than they are hungry for, they learn to over-ride their bodies’ signals and they learn to overeat.

Instead, trust your child to listen to their bodies and eat as much as their bodies tell them. Expect this to vary from day-to-day. Some days they’ll eat so much that you don’t know where they’re putting it all. Other days they’ll eat so little that you won’t know where they’re getting their energy from. I recommend serving a very small portion. If kids want more, allow them to have seconds.

You’ll know that your child is getting enough to eat when they have lots of energy and their growth is tracking along their curve on their growth chart.

Picky Eater Tip: Be Good Company

When kids enjoy being at the family table, they’ll eat better. Period. This is a strategy for dealing with kids who are picky eaters (fussy eaters) that is amazingly powerful, yet seldom used. When the families whom I work with adopt this tip they love it. It immediately makes meal times way less stressful (for everyone). Everyone is freed up to enjoy the meal.

This strategy has the power to create the family meals for that you wish for. Yet, if you’re like most of the parents I meet, you feel that you need to be doing more to be good a good Mom or Dad. You’re under the impression that to do a good job of parenting your child around food, you need to cajole them into eating their veggies. To refuse allowing seconds of rice/noodles unless they take 2 more bites of their meat.

If this rings true for you, I have big news. You don’t have to be the food police. Your job is to plan, prepare, and provide meals and snacks. And, to join your child at the table to lead the way in creating a positive environment.

How to do this? Be good company. Have pleasant conversations. Yes, that includes having pleasant conversations with your partner too – your child doesn’t have to be the centre of your attention for every second of the meal.

What to talk about? Choose any topic except the food you’re eating. One of my favourites is to play good thing, bad thing. This game is also known by many other names. What it involves is everyone at the table taking turns telling about the best and worst things about their day. Even preschoolers love playing this game. And you’ll connect as a family.

No, this doesn’t mean that magically you’ll no longer be concerned about your child’s nutrition. It seems paradoxical, but the more you back off telling your children how many bites they need to eat, the better they’ll eat. Kids respond positively to you removing the pressure. Hunger motivates kids to eat. You don’t need to. When you follow this “be good company” strategy, it’s a weight off your shoulders and it’s empowering for your children.

When kids enjoy being at the family table, they’ll eat better. Period.

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My kid used to eat just about everything…

Does this sound familiar?

“My kid used to eat just about everything and anything but she stopped eating meat all of a sudden. She's now 2.”

This, hands-down, is the single most common question that parents come to me wondering. Well, it’s not always meat that their children suddenly won’t eat. It may be vegetables, fruit, or most foods (i.e. they’ll only eat something like 5 foods).

If you’ve recently experienced this, the good news is that you’re not alone!

Most (but not all) kids will happily eat almost everything when you’re first introducing solid foods. From about 6 months onwards, these happy babies keenly gobble up most foods you put in front of them. In fact, they’re delighted with all the different textures, shapes, and tastes that you introduce to them.

Then, all of a sudden, something changes. This change can happen as young as 9 months, and most commonly happens somewhere between 18 months – 2 years.

Welcome to the picky eating stage.

It’s a completely normal developmental stage that most kids go through.

No, you didn’t cause your great little eater to suddenly “hate” foods that she loved previously. If you’re like most of the parents I’ve worked with, I know that I need to tell you to turn down the volume of the Mommy-guilt (or Daddy-guilt) voice in your head that’s telling you that it’s all your fault, that you did something wrong to cause this. That you “broke” your child. Let me tell you definitively: you didn’t.

The science doesn’t tell us why kids all of a sudden become picky. Some scientists have theorized that it’s a protective thing. From back when we lived in caves. At this age infants become toddlers and start wandering away from parents. It would be evolutionarily protective to have kids become scared to put random (i.e. potentially poisonous) plants in their mouths. It’s an interesting theory but who knows if this is true.

What I do know is that picky eating is a developmental stage. Kids become wary of foods. They honestly become scared to try things (yes, even if they’ve eaten them before). They don’t have the language skills to tell you that they’re feeling trepidatious about trying that food. So they simply say “I hate it!” (before they’ve even tried it.

The good news is that you don’t just have to wait until your daughter or son grows out of this stage. You can support them to be confident enough to try new foods, to increase the range of foods that they’ll eat, and to get the good nutrition that they need.

The bad news is that I can’t solve your question in 1 short and snappy blog post. I can, however, point you in the right direction.

As first steps, I encourage you to:

• Continue serving your child small servings of every food that you eat in your household.
• Role model eating these foods by joining your child at as many meals and snacks as possible.
• Plan meals and snacks that include both familiar and challenging foods.

And of course, keep your eyes on your peeled for other strategies I'll share to help your picky eater transition smoothly through this difficult phase (while ensuring that they’re meeting their nutrition needs).

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My Least Popular (But Very Effective) Picky Eater Tip

I’ve been doing workshops for parents on picky eating for 8 years now. At every single picky eater seminar there is one strategy that always causes resistance with the parents in the audience. I continue to share it because it’s a very powerful strategy for minimizing picky eating. Yet I can almost hear the thud it makes when I describe it and it lands on the floor. The problem for which it’s a solution? How to get kids (particularly toddlers and preschoolers) to stay at the table for meals. It’s the solution for meals that go on and on forever because your child sits down, takes one bite, then pops up from the table to do something terribly important, then returns to the table, takes another bite, pops up from the table (and so on and so on).

So, what’s this successful, but unpopular strategy? Create a rule that all meals and snacks are eaten when sitting down. In other words: Stop. Eat. Then Continue On. Yes, I do mean snacks too. You may wonder why I continue to share this strategy knowing that it’ll be so unpopular. I share it because it really is successful for supporting kids to do a good job of eating. If we allow the common practice of letting kids eat snacks “on the run”, i.e. while in the car, in the stroller, you chasing them around the house spooning bite after bite into their mouths, we’re teaching kids that there is an alternative to sitting still at a table to eat. As seen through a toddler’s or preschooler’s eyes:

“Why is it that sometimes can I eat while playing. But other times I’m told that I have to stop playing and sit at a table to eat (which is bo-ring).”

Create the expectation that all meals and snacks are eaten sitting down. In families who set this expectation, kids come to the table when called. They eat. Then, they continue on with their day (i.e. go back to playing). Meals and snack go much more smoothly and are less stressful because the kids aren’t constantly getting up from the table.

I understand the initial resistance that you may have to this strategy. In our super busy lives, how are we supposed to carve out time to stop and eat snacks? And it seems like I’m saying that you can never leave the house again, because you always need to be home to give snacks. Not true. Let me clarify.

Does this mean that you never get to leave the house again? No. In the summer this is especially easy. Stop at the park bench, picnic table, or spread out a blanket and enjoy a snack. Use similar ingenuity at indoor locations. For example, you can stop at the bench in the recreation centre foyer or use a table at the food court at the mall.

The important point is to stop. Don’t feed your child in the stroller, car seat, etc. And, don’t hand out a snack while your child continues playing. I know that it’s tempting to do so in our busy lives. But, it sets you up for more battles at meals and snacks. What seems like an efficient use of time in the immediate, actually costs you more time in the long run. In families who establish the stop-to-eat expectation, meals and snacks are very quick. And, they are much more pleasant. When it’s meal and snack time the kids simply get down to the business of eating.

Simply put: Stop. Eat. Then, continue on.

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Don’t Make this #1 Mistake with Picky Eaters

The most common mistake with picky eaters that I see parents make is that they stop serving their kids foods that they don’t eat. I understand why parents make this choice. It seems futile to go to the effort of making food only for your child to ignore it. Or, loudly announce that they hate it. Or, melt down from just seeing it on their plate. It seems like a waste of your precious time, a waste of food, a waste of money, never mind the heartbreaking feeling that your child is rejecting you. However, stopping serving the dreaded vegetables/ meat /[insert the foods your child doesn’t eat] is the wrong way to go.

I like to give non-food analogies because food is such an emotional issue that it can be hard to see what’s going on. So here’s my non-food analogy for kids and challenging foods:

Deciding that you’ll serve your child vegetables [insert the foods your child doesn’t eat] once they like them is like deciding that you’ll take your child to the pool once they know how to swim. Of course, you need to take your child to the pool so that they can learn how to swim. They aren’t going to suddenly wake up one morning knowing how to swim.

The same goes for foods your child doesn’t like. They won’t learn to like them if they never see them. Research shows that kids need to try foods somewhere between 10 – 30 times before they learn to like them. That doesn’t count the number of times that a child needs to see a food before they’re willing to try it. Of course each child and each food is going to vary in the magical number of times. I just learned to like Brussels sprouts last year and trust me, I’ve tried them way more than 30 times.

A study showed that parents usually give up after trying 5 times. So you haven’t even made it to the minimum number of presentations never mind the top end of the average range.

So what’s the solution? Plan meals that include both safe foods and challenging foods. One meal for the whole family that includes at least one safe food for your child. Yes, if you have more than one child you will need to include safe foods for each of them. What should the challenging foods be? Foods that you eat in your family. This way you aren’t making separate foods just for your child, which, when they aren’t eaten, feels like that waste of time. You’re cooking food that you’ll eat. If the kids don’t eat it – then more leftovers for you! No wasted time, food, or money.

The powerful word in this situation is “yet”.

Your kids don’t like it yet.

Serving a food again and again is how they learn to like it. Just like how a child who is starting swimming lessons doesn’t know how to swim yet.

Keep up with the practice and trust that your child will get there.

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Does the 1-Bite Rule Work?

Many families use the 1-bite rule at mealtimes. What’s the 1-bite rule? It’s when there is a family rule that kids need to try 1 bite of every food on their plate. Other names for this rule include the “no thank you bite” and the “polite bite”.

I get a lot of people asking me whether or not it’s a good strategy. The answer is: it depends.

What does it depend on? Two things:

1. Your child’s temperament
2. That it’s okay to not like a food

Your Child’s Temperament

Temperament is the term used to describe the inherent way that a child responds emotionally and behaviourally to challenges or new situations. We usually use the term “personality”. Some children are more outgoing, some more reserved. Some are more adventurous, while some like to sit back and observe before taking action. All of these temperaments are normal—but they do influence how your child approaches eating.

The 1-bite rule works well for kids who are more adventurous because they are more comfortable jumping into new situations. For reserved kids, forcing them to take action before they’re ready just causes them to dig their heels in further and become more resistant to trying new foods. Most of the time when parents hire me to work with their family, their kids have a more reserved temperament. We remove the 1-bite rule and the child is allowed to proceed at his own pace. Once he trusts that he truly is in control, he’ll try new foods on his own.

That it’s Okay to Not Like a Food

It’s so easy to do. You’ve racked your brain to figure out what new recipe your family will enjoy, grocery shopped, and prepared the dish. So, when she tries her 1 bite, out you blurt “It’s good right?” or perhaps you say “See, it’s not so bad. Try another bite”. I’ve also heard well-meaning Dads say “See, your Mom is a good cook.” Because you’ve put so much effort and love into the dish, you want your family to enjoy it. The unfortunate side effect is that this pressure will make your little one less likely to try something. Because now she not only has to try it –she has to like it too.

In general I don’t recommend the 1-bite rule. Kids are smart. They understand that when you serve food, you want them to eat it. If you do choose to have the 1-bite rule in your family, make sure that your child is the adventurous type and it truly needs to be okay for your child to try a food and not like it.

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Spitting Out is OKAY

While it may be considered poor table manners (and perhaps somewhat gross) to spit food back out, it’s actually a good strategy for helping picky eaters gain the confidence to try new foods. Yes, spitting out is okay.

For toddlers and preschoolers, trying a new food is scary. One way to make it less scary is to know that if you do choose to put something in your mouth, and it doesn’t taste good (or has a “yucky” texture), you can spit it back out.

For some picky eaters, “tasting” the food by touching it to their outstretched tongue is even less intimidating than putting the food in their mouths. This too is okay. Because it’s them taking steps towards trying the new food.

Now just because you allow food to be spit back out, doesn’t mean that you need to allow the drama that often goes along with it – the loud exclamation of “yucky!” and over-exaggerated action of spitting the food back out (perhaps accompanied by the classic wiping of the tongue to get rid of the “disgusting” taste).

Even young children can be taught how to politely take food out of their mouths without the fanfare. And, as they get a little bit older, you can teach them how to subtly spit the food into their napkin.

Bottom Line: Spitting food back out is okay. Making a big fuss about it isn’t.

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Be Careful What You Say to Picky Eaters

You need to be careful when it comes to talking with picky eaters, toddlers and preschoolers, about food. Words are powerful. What you say can help kids open up to trying new foods. Or, it can backfire and make them more resistant to trying new foods. So what are the right and wrong things to say? It’s likely not what you think.

Right Things to Say to Picky Eaters:

Do use creative marketing. There’s nothing like an unfamiliar word to make a kid say “I hate it!” before they even try a food. On the other hand, kids respond both to fun names and descriptive terms. Use their extremely keen observation skills to your advantage by using familiar and descriptive terms. For example, broccoli can be “little trees”. Name a dish after your child’s favourite superhero.

Here’s a great example that a friend of mine shared with me recently. Her son is 4. A couple of months ago she announced that dinner was lasagna. She hadn’t served her son lasagna before so he responded with the classic “Yuck, I want something else.” As a friend of mine, she knows better than to believe him and make something different. Instead, she put a piece on his plate and while he was watching she said “see, it’s pasta cake” and separated it into it’s different layers. Her son knows what pasta is. And, he definitely knows what cake is. Sure enough, once he saw that “lasagna” was something that he recognized, he happily ate it. So far, her son won’t eat lasagna. But he happily eats “pasta cake”. As he matures, he’ll become comfortable with the word “lasagna”. Until then she’ll happily include “pasta cake” in the family meal repertoire.

Wrong Things to Say to Picky Eaters:

Don’t talk about the nutritional benefits of a food. Most parents I work with and who attend my workshops unfortunately get this one wrong. Of course you care about healthy eating. You think about it when you choose what foods to serve. But don’t talk about it with your child. Studies show that if kids are taught about how healthy a food is, they are less likely to try it. And, if they do try it, they rate the taste as yuckier than if nothing was said. So, as tempting to talk about how the broccoli will make your child grow big and strong, make the effort to zip it. In this case, your actions speak louder than words. By serving broccoli, and eating it yourself, you are teaching your child that they should eat broccoli. No words are needed.

Don’t call multiple dishes by the same term. Toddlers and preschoolers are not yet able to classify things. It’s just not where they are at developmentally. Sure, we adults can use the term “fish” to mean salmon and halibut and tuna. While these foods all have very different tastes and textures, we adults can use one word “fish” to refer to them all. The developmental stage for toddlers and preschoolers means that they use a word to refer to one very specific thing. Very specific. If you use the word “fish” to mean “halibut” then that’s what they expect. If you then say “we’re having fish” and serve them salmon, they’ll freak out. Because you lied. The food in front of them is something very different than halibut – that’s obvious to see. And their natural reaction is to not want to try it. Instead, use the technique that I shared above. If you’ve always called halibut “fish” and you want to serve salmon, call it “pink fish”.

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Stress During Meals Will Cause Picky Eating

There’s a common reason behind several of the techniques that I teach to prevent (and turn-around) picky eating with kids. It’s stress. If your child experiences stress during meals they will honestly lose their appetite. And it’s not all in their heads. There’s a physiological cause to their lost appetite. As such, if you want your child to eat well (and what parent doesn’t), you want to minimize the amount of stress that your child experiences while at the table.

Stress During Meals

Here’s how stress causes people to lose their appetite. I imagine that you’ve heard of ‘fight or flight’. It’s the signals that travel through our body when we’re scared/stressed. You’ve likely heard that adrenaline is involved. One of the many results of these messages is that the body moves the blood flow away from our digestive tract towards our muscles in our arms and legs. It’s preparing us to be able to fight or run away from that saber-tooth tiger that’s chasing after us. The body only has so much blood so it prioritizes saving our life from the imminent threat – not having lots of blood ready to absorb nutrients that we’ve eaten and digested. Because, we’re highly unlikely to eat a meal with that sabre-tooth tiger. We can eat later once we’ve found safety.

Unfortunately our bodies can’t tell the difference between a physical threat (like that tiger) and psychological stress. It creates the same reaction. So, when your child experiences stress or anxiety at the table, they honestly lose their appetite.

Now does this mean that you never serve your child a new food ever again? No. Nor does it mean that you need to go to great lengths to entertain your child at the table. I actually recommend no screens or toys at the table. Afterall, the opposite of ‘stress’ isn’t ‘entertained’. It’s ‘pleasant’ or ‘calm’.

Stress-Free Meals with Kids

Here are some strategies to create a stress-free meal environment for your child:

• Be good company. Talk about your days, play eye spy, any pleasant conversation topic.

• Don’t choose mealtime to be the time to scold or punish kids. Or, argue with your spouse.

• Always serve at least one familiar food at a meal. This way your child can rest assured that even if they don’t like the other foods on the table, they can fill themselves up with their familiar food.

• Don’t stress the mess. Kids gradually learn to use utensils. Don’t expect them to be proficient until they reach school-age. Allow toddlers and preschoolers (and younger school-age kids too) to use a mix of fingers and utensils. Constant nagging about utensils and manners can create anxiety.

• Don’t have a one-bite rule. Now before I get a slew of responses from people who swear that it works, I agree that the one-bite rule (also called the “no thank you bite” or “polite bite”) can work with some kids without causing any stress. Some kids are just wired so that trying new foods doesn’t stress them out. For lots and lots of kids however, making them try a food before they’re ready (or even the anticipation that you’ll ask them to try a new food) can cause the stress reaction in their bodies before they even sit down at the table. The result is that they’ve lost their appetite before the meal has begun.

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Will Kids Starve Themselves?

Some sayings are true. Some aren’t. You’ve likely heard people say “kids won’t starve themselves”. I hear it all the time. And, I rarely read an online conversation about picky eaters where someone doesn’t say this. Unfortunately this is one of those sayings that just isn’t true.

Will Kids Starve Themselves? Yes, Sometimes.

For some picky eaters, mealtimes have become very stressful. They’re left between the two choices of 1) being hungry or 2) facing the stressful meal situation. Some kids choose to go hungry. Yes, in other words, they starve themselves.

These kids either aren’t eating enough foods and their growth starts to falter. Or, they eat such a narrow variety that they aren’t getting the nutrients they need (even if they’re getting lots of calories).

Now the answer to the problem is not to force kids to eat more. Let me repeat that very loud and clear: THE SOLUTION IS NOT TO FORCE KIDS TO EAT MORE. More often than not that approach just increases kids’ stress, causing them to eat less.

Stress

What causes this stress? There can be many causes. That’s why I do a full assessment when working with families, because it’s important to identify and address the root cause. Some kids are sensitive souls who need to approach new foods gradually. Some kids are at a boundary-pushing stage and choose to engage parents in a battle of wills. Some kids miss out on learning specific chewing skills and find a variety of foods difficult to eat. Some kids have texture sensitivity and find certain food textures unappealing. I could go on listing causes.

I want to be really transparent here. I went back and forth many times about whether or not to write this article. I don’t write this to cause you more panic. The last thing that I want to do is cause more mommy guilt because guilt and shame get in the way of making change. I’m writing this because I do see kids who are starving themselves. So I feel the need to address the myth that’s spouted so very, very often by well-meaning advice givers.

Will Kids Grow Out of Picky Eating?

I also write this because I see so many families who could use my services. But they don’t seek help because they think that their child will “grow out of” their picky eating and that “kids won’t starve themselves”.

Lastly I write this because sometimes I see clients whose child is 7, 8, 9, or 10 years old and who is still a picky eater. Creating change for these kids is really, really hard (and progress is painstakingly slow). I wish so much that I could turn back the clock and work with these families when their kids are 2 and 3 years old. Not only could we prevent years of poor nutrition and stress for the child, we could have alleviated stress for the whole family. Because the whole family is affected when feeding isn’t going well with one child.

What’s important is that if feeding isn’t going well, you look for a solution to the problem. Don’t believe this myth that kids won’t starve themselves.

Check out my book where I share my simple-step-by-step solution for picky eaters (2-5 years old).

1 Simple (and Overlooked) Step to Get Picky Eaters to Eat More

There’s a very simple technique to get picky eaters to eat more. It’s something that I always look for when working with individual families. I can’t tell you how often it’s missed by parents. Let’s just say a lot. So, what’s this super simple tip? Make sure your child has their feet resting on something solid. Kids eat best when they have something solid to rest their feet on. Take a peek at your child’s feet when they’re sitting in their highchair or booster seat. Are their feet dangling? If you want your child to eat better, get them something on which to rest their feet.

Have you ever sat at a bar stool that didn’t have a footrest? Did it feel unsettling to have your feet dangling? Likely, yes.

This is something that I’ve looked for since I started my practice in 2008. But I never knew why kids ate best when their feet are supported. Then last month I attended a workshop and learned why. The reason is that while eating is a priority for our bodies, there are two priorities that supersede eating: 1) breathing; and, 2) staying upright (i.e. not falling on our heads). When your child’s feet aren’t resting on something solid, their bodies are required to focus on not falling over. This takes away from the focus on the task of eating. Babies and young children under 3 years of age are still novice eaters and they need to pay full attention to the task of eating. By providing a solid footrest, you’re removing a big source of distraction.

Some highchairs are adjustable. These are my favourites. Don’t have an adjustable chair? Not to worry, just MacGyver a footrest for your child. Inexpensive footstools (usually used at the bathroom sink) work well. As do a stack of phone books – although these are getting harder to come by.

The perfect height for your footrest is the height where your child’s feet are 90 degrees from their legs. In other words, your child is resting flat-footed.

Remember, check your footrest every couple of months. Kids grow!

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3 Ways to use Farmers’ Markets to Get Your Child to Eat Veggies

It’s the height of summer and farmers' markets are approaching their peak. Perhaps you already shop at your local farmers’ market. Or, you’ve been meaning to check out the one in your neighbourhood. I’ve been a big fan of farmers’ markets since before the locavore movement made it cool. I have fond childhood memories of waking up early, piling into the car, and driving out of the city to the big farmers’ market in the country. Shopping at farmers’ markets supports your local economy, builds food security, and promotes community. Farmers’ markets are also a fantastic opportunity to get your kids excited about vegetables – from toddlers to pre-teens. Here are 3 fantastic activities to harness the opportunity at the farmers’ market to maximize your picky eaters’ enthusiasm for veggies and fruit.

1. Helping Hands. Let your little one pick your produce. For example, tell her that you need 10 potatoes (or 1 head of lettuce, or 5 pears, etc). Then, let her pick and bag the 10 potatoes. Encourage “help” from the vendor – ask him questions like “How do you pick the best potatoes?” or “How do you know that a watermelon is ripe?” This is a great way to engage the pickiest eaters because it doesn’t even involve tasting the food. However it gently gets them to explore and feel ownership for the veggies/fruit. Both of which help them move towards trying it.
2. Different Varieties, Same Food. Another gentle way to help kids be open to trying new foods is to have a taste testing of different varieties of the same food. Choose a food that your child already eats. Then choose other colours and shapes of the same food from the farmers’ market. Prepare all the varieties and try them all, comparing them. Take cucumbers for example: pick up one each of field cucumber, lemon cucumber, long English cucumber, pickling cucumber, and any other variety that you can find. When you get home, cut slices of each variety and lay them out on a plate. Gather your family. Try each one. Describe all your senses – how do they look, smell, taste? Is one sweeter, one more sour, one have a thicker skin?
3. Kids’ Choice. Let your child choose any one vegetable or fruit at the market. Let kids pick themselves, or have them talk with the vendors to get recommendations such as “what’s especially yummy today?” or “My favourite vegetable is broccoli and I don’t like radishes, what would you recommend that I try?” Prepare your child’s choice together later that day. Older kids can help research and choose recipes. This will inspire pride and ownership of this food which helps many kids be open to taste it. You may want to set a budget ahead of time – otherwise your child may choose the giant, $30 hubbard squash, LOL!

One final (and important) note: It’s all in the attitude. Yours. Do these activities with your kids in the spirit of fun and exploring. Not in the spirit of forcing. Their enthusiasm will soar. And, with their new-found enthusiasm, they may feel brave enough to try the veggies (and perhaps even like them).

Picky Eater Success Strategy: Deconstructed Dishes

This is a favourite picky eater success strategy. It really can help you make one meal for the whole family. I have no idea why many kids don’t like their foods to touch. Another mystery that stumps me is why when sauces touch foods it’s considered unacceptable, but dipping is fun and yummy.

These are just 2 of the common great unsolved mysteries of young children’ eating habits. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you try to figure out why it is this way. It’s equally futile to try to rationalize with your child about how peas that have touched chicken are no different than peas that haven’t touched chicken.

So don’t waste your time (and brain cells). Leave it be and trust that (eventually) they’ll grow out of it.

In the meantime you aren’t relegated to eating sauce-free meals. Or, making your child a completely different dish every night. Instead, serve your child deconstructed dishes.

Picky Eater Success Strategy: Deconstructed Dishes

What I mean by “deconstructed” is to serve your child all the same components of your meal – but in a manner so that they aren’t touching. Take a beef and broccoli stir-fry for example. Cook a small amount of the meat, broccoli, and other veggies in the pan before you add the sauce. Remove them and set aside. Continue cooking the stir-fry with the rest of the ingredients and sauce. On your child’s plate place each of the items so that they are not touching each other, i.e. some beef, broccoli, other veggies, plain rice, and a small amount of sauce (perhaps in a dipping container like a small ramekin or saucer). And, place a very small amount of the stir-fry with all the foods touching with the sauce on it (like you are eating it).

“Deconstructed” meals are a fantastic compromise because they:

• Allow you to eat a wide variety of dishes.

• Allow your child to join you in sharing dishes.

• Make your child feel confident with food because he has control over what ingredients he does and doesn’t eat.

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How to Help Kids Stop Dawdling at Meals

Most parents ask me for help with getting their kids to actually stay sitting at the table (if that’s you, check out this blog post). But every once and a while parents ask me for help with the opposite problem. Their child takes forever to eat. Every meal is a long, drawn out affair with long minutes going by between each bite. Every time you go to take their plate away they take another bite or two. You feel torn amongst letting them get enough to eat and actually moving along with the day. If this sounds like you, here’s a strategy to help your child eat enough during a reasonable mealtime.  

Step #1: Check Your Expectations. For us adults, the mechanisms of eating are easy. We move the muscles in our mouths and throats to eat without even thinking of it. And, we have the dexterity to use utensils with ease.

Toddlers still are learning the mouth control for eating. So it can take longer to chew and swallow safely. That’s exactly why we have the recommendations of not giving choking hazards to kids under 3 years old.

Preschoolers and school-age kids have mastered chewing and swallowing. But they are still mastering utensils. Expect them to take longer to eat when a meal involves utensils.

Step #2: Use a Visual Clock. Have you taken into account the extra time for mouth coordination and utensil use and determined that you have an honest to goodness dawdler? Here’s a technique that I’ve used with lots of kids to help them learn to manage their mealtime. It’s quite simple really. Kids this age do well with visual cues. This technique stops you from nagging that it’s time to finish up (and prevents kids from learning to tune you out). You simply set a timer, let kids see it counting down, and kids learn to manage completing their task (in this case, eating) within the allotted time. Older kids can follow a simple timer countdown on a cell phone or tablet set up on the table. Younger kids need a visual that doesn’t involve numbers. There are a number of apps and devices available to create a visual representation of a clock. An example of a product is: http://www.timetimer.com/store

To look for apps simply search for “visual timer” in your device’s app store (iTunes, Google Play).

To use the visual clock, introduce the new rule to your child then follow-through. Expect them to get it wrong a few times as they experience the learning curve. During this transition, don’t let them continue eating after the timer is done. Because they will likely be a bit hungry, do plan an extra big snack and, if you can, move snack time up a bit.

Kids are smart. They learn how to regulate their meal time within a few days.

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How Much Should You Focus on Your Child’s Table Manners?

Before I chat about child table manners, I want to explain this photo. Yesterday I had the opportunity to see Ellyn Satter speak live. Ellyn's work is the foundation for mine. She's easily the most influential person in my career. And while I've thoroughly studied her work and used it with families for more than 7 years, I had never met her. By the time that I was finished university, had started to pay down my student loans, and could afford to travel to a US destination for her in-person training seminars, she retired. But yesterday she came out of retirement to present in Vancouver. You bet that I was going to be there - I may have been the first to register :) The table manners question was asked of her, and it was fantastic to see that she responded with the same answer as I give parents.

Table manners, like most matters of etiquette, can cause a strong reaction in us - really getting under our skin. When it comes to table manners, parents usually approach me in two ways (which really are about the same thing). Either they ask about how to best teach kids to have good table manners. Or, they’re embarrassed about their child’s messy eating and apologize to me for it.

When it comes to table manners, the best course of action is to not sweat about it. Like many other things, your actions speak louder than words. Kids naturally have an internal drive to master things and grow up. Eat together with your child on a daily basis. Use good table manners yourself – use utensils, a napkin, say “please” and “thank you” when you ask someone to pass you the pepper, don’t get up and down from the table like a jack-in-the-box. Your child will pick up your good habits.

That is, as long as they aren’t staring at a screen during the meal (iPad, phone etc).

Don’t sweat your child’s messy eating. It’s normal for kids to use a combination of utensils and fingers into the school-age years, depending on the food and how hungry they are. And like all things, some kids learn to use utensils faster than others.

The most important factor for kids to learn to love healthy eating is to enjoy eating at the table. This requires the table to be a pleasant place. Constant nagging about table manners (“elbows off the table”, “use your fork”, etc) can really get in the way of kids enjoying meals.

It takes a lot of effort to organize yourself to plan and prepare meals and snacks and to have an adult sit down with your child to eat together. Congratulate yourself for accomplishing this and know that over time your child will learn good table manners.

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How to Get Kids to Sit at the Table

How to get kids to sit at the table. A common question that I get is how to get kids (particularly toddlers and preschoolers) to come to (and stay at) the table for meals. The best way is to set a rule that all meals and snacks are eaten at a table. As seen through a toddler’s or preschooler’s eyes: “Why is it that sometimes can I eat while playing. But other times I’m told that I have to stop playing and sit at a table to eat (which is bo-ring).”

Create the expectation that all meals and snacks are eaten at the table. In families who set this expectation, kids come to the table when called. They eat. And then they continue on with their day (i.e. go back to playing). Meals and snack go much more smoothly and are less stressful because the kids aren’t constantly getting up from the table.

Does this mean that you never get to leave the house again? No. In the summer this is especially easy. Stop at the park bench, picnic table, or spread out a blanket and enjoy a snack.

Use similar ingenuity at indoor locations. For example, you can stop at the bench in the recreation centre foyer or use a table at the food court at the mall.

The important point is to stop. Don’t feed your child in the stroller, car seat, etc. And, don’t hand out a snack while your child continues playing.

I know that it’s tempting to do so in our busy lives. But, it sets you up for more battles at meals and snacks. What seems like an efficient use of time in the immediate, actually costs you more time in the long run.

In families who establish the stop-to-eat expectation, meals and snacks are very quick. And, they are much more pleasant. When it’s meal and snack time the kids simply get down to the business of eating.

Simply put: stop, eat, then continue on.

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Don’t Put Your Child Under the 2-Bite Microscope

Gathering around the table to share food, stories and laughter can be a very enjoyable experience. But mealtime can be a stressful time if you’re under the 2-bite microscope. What’s the 2-bite microscope? It’s what I call it when parents’ entire interaction with their kids is about the food - how much they have or haven’t eaten. As a parent it’s easy to fall into this trap. After all, you’re concerned about your child’s nutrition.

You’ll know if you’ve fallen into the 2-bite microscope trap if you catch yourself telling your child how many more bites they need to eat.

Time and again I’ve seen that kids who are under the 2-bite microscope don’t eat well. There’s just too much pressure. It seems paradoxical, but the more you back off, the better they’ll eat.

When I say back off, I don’t mean silent meal times. Or, leaving your child alone at the table. What I mean is being good company. Have pleasant conversations. Yes, that includes having pleasant conversations with your partner too – your child doesn’t have to be the centre of your attention for every second of the meal.

What to talk about? Choose any topic except the food you’re eating. One of my favourites is to play good thing, bad thing. This game is also known by many other names. But, what it involves is everyone at the table taking turns telling about the best and worst things about their day. Even preschoolers love playing this game. And you’ll connect as a family.

When kids enjoy being at the family table, they’ll eat better. Period.

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How Much Should I Let My Child Eat?

I want to confess something. It breaks my heart when I hear a child ask her parent if she’s full. I silently scream. Unfortunately, I’ve seen it many times. Here's the answer to "how much should I let my child eat?"

How Much Should I Let My Child Eat?

The overwhelmingly vast majority of kids are born knowing when they are hungry and when they’re full. It’s only through social learning that we lose our ability to listen to our bodies and learn to overeat.

When I hear a preschooler ask her parent if she’s full, I know that she’s lost her ability to listen to her body. She'll now look to external cues to tell her when she’s full.

It takes trust to let your child choose how much to eat. You’re a good parent. You care about your child having enough to eat. So I know that it’s so very tempting to tell her that she needs to finish those peas or eat two more bites of chicken before she’s done.

It doesn’t help that she’ll likely be completely inconsistent in how much she eats. Eating lots some days (what my Grannie called “having a hollow leg” – as in “I don’t know where the child puts all that food. She must have a hollow leg”). Other days she’ll eat almost nothing (which causes parents to say “I think that she must pull nutrients out of the air like a plant – she certainly isn’t eating them”).

Sure, sometimes kids will get it wrong. Sometimes they'll choose a more interesting activity and not eat enough. Other times they'll eat too much and get a stomach-ache (or perhaps even throw up). It's just like everything else in life - kids sometimes get things wrong. Giving them the opportunity to practice lets them learn from their mistakes. If you're consistently offering 5 - 6 opportunities to eat each day in a low-stress setting, they'll get the nutrition that they need over the course of a day.

Hold back from commenting on the amount of food that your child is eating. Let her gain food-confidence by controlling how much she eats.

In other words, how much should you let your child eat? As much (or as little) as their tummy tells them to eat.

Showing that you trust her and letting her build food-confidence is an amazing gift that you can give.

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Don’t Be Heavy-Handed with “Nutrition” Talk - Teaching Nutrition to Kids

I had the best time on Friday! I was invited to the Valentine’s Day party at the local elementary school. I brought a variety of fruits and veggies and led an activity where we used cookie cutters to cut out hearts and thread them onto wooden skewers to make cupid’s arrows (thank you Pinterest). Do I have the best job or what?! But was I just playing? No. There’s a method to my madness. I’ve learned something in the (gulp) 20 years that nutrition’s been my world. It’s that teaching nutrition to kids isn’t the way to inspire people to have healthy eating habits. Sure, talking about vitamins, minerals, etc will change what some people eat. There will be the exception that proves the rule. But it truly is the exception. I learned this lesson the hard way. When I was a bubbly, enthusiastic nutrition student, I shared my new-found knowledge with anyone and everyone (whether they asked for my 2 cents worth or not). Guess what? Not surprisingly, most people rolled their eyes at me and went on with their same (unhealthy eating) behavior.

I’ve learned that the most effective way to influence people’s behaviour is to simply serve them delicious, healthy food. And don’t say anything about it.

With kids there is even more opportunity! You see they haven’t had 10, 20, 30 years-of habits that we need to break. With kids, all we need to do is to include healthy foods in fun and everyday activities. To make healthy eating the norm. That’s why I worked to get myself invited to the Valentine’s Day party. Because, it was a fantastic way to infuse a celebration day with healthy food. The kids totally got into it and had a fantastic time. In fact, we hardly had enough fruit to thread on the skewers because they were eating so much of it. I can honestly tell you that they didn’t miss baking cookies one bit.

Creating a positive association with healthy eating is more powerful than knowing that I “should” eat something because it has vitamin so-and-so in it.

Recently a study confirmed my experience. They found that kids were less likely to try a food. And, they rated a food as tasting worse, if they were told that it was healthy.

It’s so tempting to go on and on about WHY kids should eat a healthy food. But do your best to resist the temptation. It’s more effective if you aren’t heavy-handed with the “nutrition” talk.

As the saying goes:

“Actions speak louder than words”.

How do you incorporate healthy eating into fun activities? I'd love you to share in the comments below!

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Peer Pressure is a Good Thing (How to Use It With Picky Eaters)

Did you grow up hearing about how peer pressure was a negative influence on our lives and how we should resist its evil pull? I sure did. Which is why I needed to do a double take when I read a study about how peer pressure can be a useful technique for getting kids to try new foods.

There’s a study that was done a number of years ago where they set up a daycare situation and had a few kids who hated carrots spend the day at this daycare. These kids had been served carrots many, many time by their parents. And these parents had done all the usual things to get their kids to eat the carrots – the 1 bite rule, no dessert if you don’t eat them, etc.

The rest of the kids in the “daycare”? They all loved carrots.

Guess what they served for snack? Carrots of course. You can also likely guess what happened next. Many of the kids who hated carrots watched their new friends eat the carrots. And then they too ate them. All without any prompting from the adults.

I had forgotten all about this study until recently when a friend was telling me about how, this week, her son had eaten salmon for the first time. She’s followed my techniques with feeding her 3 year old son. As a result he’s a pretty good eater, enjoying a decent variety of foods.

They had served him salmon many, many times. But he had never tried it. Until one day when they were over for dinner at his friend Chloe’s house. Salmon was on the menu that night – one of Chloe’s favourite foods.

You see, this little guy has a really special relationship with Chloe. He thinks that the sun rises and sets over her. Well, he took one look at Chloe eating her salmon and he tucked right into his salmon as if he’d been eating it his whole life.

His Mom nearly dropped her fork she was so surprised! But she remembered my tip of not making a big deal of it when your little one tries a new food. So she did an imaginary happy dance and then nonchalantly continued with the dinner conversation.

Six months later he still eats salmon. Peer pressure is a good thing.

Do some of your child’s friends enjoy foods that you’d like your child to eat? Arrange play dates or invite the family over for lunch or dinner. Serve the target foods. I can’t guarantee 100% success. But it’s another technique to create an environment that supports your child to choose to try new foods on their own.

Has this technique worked for you? I'd love you to share your story in the comments below!

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