When to Ignore Messy Eating. When to Nip it in the Bud.

I’m often asked about kids' messy eating. Parents often wonder what’s normal and at what age kids will learn to use utensils. Recently I received this question from a Mom:

My question is regarding messy eating.  My daughter (just turned 4) often eats with her hands and then has food obviously all over her hands but also on her face from ear to ear.  She also plays with her food a bit (ie:  bites a few holes in her bread and then pauses to see what shape she has made).  How much emphasis should I put on eating neatly with a fork and spoon and how do I do this or should I just be happy that she’s eating?

It's normal for preschoolers (3 - 5 year olds) to eat with a combination of their hands and utensils. Most are still working on the dexterity involved in using utensils. They're curious about the world, so yes, they'll likely explore their food too (like the example you give with the bread).

As long as her behaviour is coming from a place of eating and interest in her food, don't sweat this mess. Because we want her to continue feeling confident with eating. We don't want to make her feel self-conscious about the way that she eats.

Teach through role modelling. Have an adult join her at as many meals and snacks as possible. Her internal drive to grow up will motivate her to copy your use of utensils and other actions at the table (e.g. wiping your mouth with your napkin when you finish eating).

In the meantime, go ahead and start teaching other manners like saying please and thank you, taking turns to speak during a conversation, asking to have someone pass you the peas, and asking to be excused when finished eating.

On the other hand, pay close attention to see if her behaviour is motivated by naughtiness. That is, if she's acting out and purposely taking actions to get negative attention. You'll recognize this right away. If so, then do nip the behaviour in the bud and explain that we don't play with our food.

Just Sit Down (or, How to Get Your Child to Stay at the Table)

Does this sound familiar? Your child sits at the table, eats two bites, then runs off to play, circling back to the table a few minutes later, eats two bites, then runs off to play, circling back to the table a few minutes later, eats two bites… (you get the picture). Here's how to get your child to stay at the table. I love this question because it’s one of the easiest to fix. It’s much easier than getting kids to try new foods.

How to Get Your Child to Stay at the Table: Step 1

Check in with your own behavior.

As the saying goes, actions are stronger than words. Do you eat standing at the kitchen counter? While walking down the sidewalk? While driving? You’re teaching that one doesn’t have to sit at a table to eat.

Many Moms I know are like a jack-in-the-box during meals, getting up every 30 seconds to grab something from the kitchen. Stop. Before the meal starts, gather within reach (e.g. in the centre of the table) what you expect you’ll need during the meal. This might mean serving foods family-style so people can help themselves to seconds and/or having a cloth at the table to wipe up spills. Let phone calls go to voicemail and not checking texts/ emails.

How to Get Your Child to Stay at the Table: Step #2

Set appropriate expectations.

I know that it’s going to come as a shock to you (not) that toddlers and preschoolers don’t like to sit still for long periods of time. To them it’s quite boring. So don’t expect them to enjoy sitting for an hour over a meal. An age-appropriate expectation is to stay at the table until they are finished eating. Or, until they are finished eating and a few minutes longer. An example is staying at the table after they’ve finished eating the number of minutes as they are old (2 minutes for a 2 year old, 5 minutes for a 5 year old).

How to Get Your Child to Stay at the Table: Step #3

Explain to your child that there will be a new rule at meals.

She is free to get up from the table when she is “all done”. But, if she gets up from the table, she is choosing to be “all done”. Which means that her plate is being cleared to the kitchen and there will not be any more dinner for her to eat. The next time that she will be offered something to eat is ___________ (fill in the blank with your family’s routine e.g. bedtime snack, breakfast the next morning, etc). Be clear that when she chooses to leave the table she can no longer come back for more bites.

How to Get Your Child to Stay at the Table: Step #4

Implement the Boundaries.

Now just because you explained the new rules to your child, don’t expect him to truly understand them the first day. When your child moves to get up from the table, remind him of the new rule. And ask him if he’s really all done.

Now’s the tough part, you need to follow through on the rule. Remove his plate from the table and continue on with your meal. When he circles back to the table expecting to take two more bites, remind him that he chose to be all done, so it means that he doesn’t get any more bites of dinner. Remind him when the next meal or snack will be (e.g. bedtime snack, breakfast, etc).

He’s likely to protest this new rule (that’s his job as a toddler/ preschooler). It’s important not to give in and let him take some bites. If you do then you’re letting him know that the rule doesn’t really exist. You’re teaching him that he can leave the table and make a fuss and he will get more food.

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Healthy Home-Made Ice-Pops for Kids

Recently my friends and I were having a nostalgic laugh about the rising trend of home-made ice pops – also known as paletas. The dietitian in me loves that parents are choosing to make tasty snacks for their kids that beat the heat that include real fruits (even veggies) instead of frozen, colored, sugar water. What made my friends and I giggle was remembering how we too had homemade ice pops when we were kids. However, we were raised in the suburbs in the early 80’s. Our ice pops consisted of frozen OJ concentrate, re-constituted with water, and then frozen again in the ice-pop molds. Not exactly gourmet!

Now pint-sized foodies are enjoying paletas (even the new name is fancy) made with on-trend, healthy ingredients like coconut, avocado, Greek yogurt, almond milk, even kale. And, while we were absorbing all sorts of plastic by-products, you can now buy BPA-free plastic molds and stainless steel molds. It’s amazing how far we’ve come!

Interested in making some yourself? A Google or Pinterest browse will supply you with a summer full of healthy frozen kids snack ideas. Here are two ideas to get you started. For the recipes, all the steps are the same:

1. Combine ingredients in a blender.
2. Blend until smooth.
3. Pour into the paleta molds.
4. Freeze.
5. ENJOY!

Blueberry-Kale Home-Made Ice Pops

You really need to blend this recipe well, otherwise the kale pieces are quite big which I found unpleasant (and I love kale). The kale is never truly hidden in these, but when well-blended, it’s an enjoyable part of their texture.

1 cup frozen blueberries 1 cup kale leaves, stems removed (ideally baby kale leaves) 2 cups coconut water

Raspberry-Almond-Coconut Home-Made Ice Pops

A luscious, dairy-free recipe!

1.5 cups almond milk 1/2 cup coconut milk 1 cup fresh or frozen raspberries 2 teaspoons honey pinch of salt

Combine your favorite fruits with other healthy ingredients for a delicious and refreshing summertime paleta treat!

Get more home-made ice pop recipes here.

Curing Picky Eaters (Can it Really be Done?)

I’m going to be truly Canadian here and apologize before I start this message. Because it is a bit of a rant. I really can’t help but rant here because supporting kids to enjoy healthy eating (from the very first bite) is my life’s passion. So, if hearing a person speak strongly about their passion isn’t your cup of tea. Then feel free to delete this. I won’t mind. But, if you want to know what I really feel about picky eating, then do read on because I’m being completely unfiltered here (maybe the heat’s making me a bit cranky?) Lately I’ve been hearing a lot about “curing” picky eaters.

Sure, I talk about “preventing” picky eating and “stopping” picky eating. Perhaps it’s just a lesson in semantics. But the word “cure” creates a strong, specific, emotional reaction in me.

We fundraise to “cure” cancer.

We search for a “cure” to AIDS.

We look to “cure” people of things that are fundamentally wrong. Un-natural states. Diseases.

Picky eating is stressful – for kids and their parents. It can have negative consequences on a child’s nutritional health. It’s absolutely worth intervening.

But, picky eating isn’t a disease.

Picky eating is a combination of a child’s temperament, developmental stage, and how we adults react to it.

Let me highlight this with a less emotional example – crawling. Is a child “cured” of crawling when they learn to walk? No. Crawling is a developmental stage. Some children crawl earlier. Some crawl later. And, some kids skip crawling all together, moving from scooting (or some other version of dragging themselves around) to walking.

And, how do kids move past crawling? Is it something that we adults do to them?

Somewhat, yes.

Kids are internally driven to learn to walk. We play an important role by creating an environment where they are encouraged to practice and build the skills that lead to walking. We allow them to pull themselves up on the furniture and “cruise” around from chair to table to sofa. We hold their hands above their heads as they take wobbly steps. We pull them up and bounce them on our laps. Some kids are more adventuresome in learning to walk. Some kids are more cautious. Both are normal, but we take different actions to support them to move ahead at their own speeds.

The same is true with eating. While kids are in a stage where they’re both loving power struggles and wary of foods, they’re also being internally driven to master new skills and grow up. We can create an environment where they are given the opportunities and are encouraged to try new foods. Or, we can (inadvertently) create an environment where they are prevented from learning to walk and kept in the crawling stage – i.e. where commonly used strategies with food actually fuel picky eating behaviour. We can restrict an adventuresome child to move too slow – causing them to rebel. And, we can force a cautious kid to move to quickly – causing them to either push back or withdraw.

So in a nutshell, no. I don’t believe that picky eaters can be “cured”.

What I know is that we can create an environment with food that supports kids to move through this stage with ease and grace, in a way that sets them up to have lifelong healthy eating habits. And, ensuring that they get the nutrition that they need. All while:

• Reducing the stress for everyone in the family,
• Celebrating and loving each child for who they are (adventuresome and cautious) and,
• Creating enjoyable family time at the table.

This is exactly what I devote my life to support Moms and Dads like you to do. How? Through my picky eater book and my individual picky eater nutrition services.

Picky Eater? 5 Great Benefits of Serving Meals Family Style

{Guest post for KidzEdge Magazine} Just like in the rest of their lives, kids (especially picky eaters) thrive with eating when parents provide both respect and boundaries with food. Yet this isn’t often talked about when experts provide advice on nutrition for kids.

A simple strategy for establishing respect and boundaries in ways that support kids to try new foods on their own is serving foods family-style.

Family-style is when serving dishes are placed in the middle of the table and everyone gets to serve himself or herself. Even toddlers and preschoolers can serve themselves with help.

I’ve had many families email me in disbelief that it’s worked like magic!

Why does it work? It’s not magic. It’s all about power and control.

• • Kids want to grow up and mimic what they see adults and older kids doing. Serving themselves seems like such a “big boy” or “big girl” thing to do.
  • Toddlers and preschoolers are in the “me do it” developmental stage. They take such pride in “helping”. Having them serve themselves uses this developmental stage to your advantage.
  • Serving family-style removes you from being a sparring partner for toddlers and preschoolers who love a negotiation. With no one to battle, many kids simply get down to the business of eating.
  • Cautious kids often crumble under the pressure of being forced to try something (also known as the one-bite rule). And, some crumble with even having a food present on their plate. Serving family-style allows them to proceed at their own pace. The offending food doesn’t have to be on their plate. But the opportunity is there for them to help themselves when they’re feeling brave enough to try it.
  • Toddlers and preschoolers often go through a stage where they’ll inspect each piece of food and reject it for microscopic flaws that are naked to the eye of anyone over the age of 18. Okay, I’m being facetious. But if your child is in this stage then you’ll know what I mean. Serving family-style helps you keep your cool because everyone else at the table can get on with eating their meal while your little one inspects each morsel. Therefore, resulting in a much more pleasant meal. And when mealtimes are pleasant, kids eat better.

Try serving meals family-style to see if this strategy will work its magic with your picky eaters.

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The Foundational Step to Prevent Picky Eating

I recorded this video on Sunday as a part of the launch that I'm preparing for my new service that I'll be offering you. Click here to check out my picky eating nutrition services. I wanted to share the video with you (consider this a sneak peek) because it really is such an important step to take.

In the 6 years that I've worked with families with kids who are picky eaters, I've learned that it's not just the strategies that you use that are important to support your little one to try new foods on their own. The order in which you implement the strategies really counts too.

In this video I share what I've found to be the most important strategy to use first. A foundational step, really to support your fussy eater to try new foods on their own.

Enjoy,

Kristen

Food Rewards - How to Get Your Child to Behave Without Them

I was happy to meet Julie recently. She's a child behaviour and discipline specialist. As soon as I met her I knew that she would be the perfect person to answer a question that parents often ask me. You see, I teach (based on the research) that it's not good to use food as a bribe or reward for kids behaviour. So parents would ask me for alternatives. And that's where I hit the end of my expertise - I'm a child-feeding expert - not a child behaviour expert. Read on to see what Julie recommends as alternatives to food for teaching kids to have good behaviour.

Enjoy! Kristen

• Chocolate to stop crying.
• Dessert if you finish all of your dinner.
• Candy to buy a few extra minutes of peace & quiet.

Why Food Rewards Are A Bad Idea

Parents give food rewards to their children because it works……for the short term, plain and simple. However, the long term effects on the child may include poor appetite management, low self-esteem and distorted food control because they have now associated food with negative behaviour and/or pain. This learned behaviour could possibly leave your child with a potential food addiction which can carry right on through the teen years and well into adulthood.

There are many other ways to encourage your children to do what you expect of them without bribes, threats or rewards. Add more options to your Parenting toolbox so you are not left with food rewards as your only option.

5 of our BEST BEHAVIOUR Techniques (Without Food Rewards)

1. Expectations & Routines – create routines throughout the day with your expectations in them
2. Visuals – create a chart, poster or picture for each routine & reference them throughout the day
3. Choices – offer your child at least 2 things to choose from instead of just demanding something
4. Follow through – what you say…..you do!
5. Consistency - say & do the same thing each and every time the same behaviour shows up

Try all 5 together for the BEST RESULTS!

Find out more on this topic and many others at www.missbehaviour.ca.

Learn about Julie Romanowski, Mom, Early Childhood Consultant & owner of

Miss Behaviour: parenting coach & consultant service.

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Why it Hurts so Much when Your Child Refuses to Eat

{Guest post for Modern Mama} Why does it hurt so much when your child refuses to eat? Several reasons. You don’t have to be dietitian like me to be inundated with nutrition information. Every day we hear about how important it is to get enough of this vitamin and that mineral. We hear about the next super food. And, we hear about the latest food to avoid. When you become a parent this news comes at an even more rapid pace, because now you’re not just responsible for feeding yourself but you’re responsible for feeding your children too. But food is so much more than just fuel for our bodies.

Food is an expression of culture.

Each culture identifies themselves with what they do and don’t eat. Have you ever experienced culture shock when travelling? I bet you craved a food from home. Expats do too. For example, a (Canadian) friend of mine searched out and paid an exorbitant price for peanut butter when living overseas for 5 years – and she was living in Paris where there certainly isn’t a shortage of delicious food! Now that she’s back in Canada she spends her time searching for a decent croissant – go figure!

Food is also an expression of love.

I know that my Grannie’s applesauce was the best that I’ve ever tasted because hers had the extra ingredient of her love. I bet that you have similar memories. Each culture around the world shares food with family and friends. In fact, in most cultures it’s considered rude not to offer food and drink to a visitor to your home.

So it’s no wonder that it hurts so much when your child refuses to eat something that you’ve prepared. All of these layers of meaning come into play. You worry that they won’t get the nutrition that they need. You feel that they’ve rejected your love. And if it’s a cultural food, you feel that they’re rejecting not just you but your culture too.

Ouch!

When your child is a picky eater and he/she is constantly rejecting food these painful experiences can easily compound into guilt and shame. I’m a long-time fan of Brené Brown’s work. She describes so clearly how powerful shame can be. And how huge of a barrier it can be to creating positive change.

There are many reasons that contribute to a child not wanting to eat a particular food, and/or being a picky eater. Most of which have nothing related to rejection of you, your love, or your culture.

When your little refuses to eat a dish, acknowledge your feelings, recognize why it elicits such a strong reaction in you, and choose to take the high road and not engage in a battle. It’s not easy to do, but the right thing often isn’t the easy choice.

Click here to get tips on how to get your child to eat sent directly to your inbox.

Limiting Cow's Milk for Toddlers

Recently a parent asked me this question: “How much cow’s milk to offer toddlers. Do you allow them to regulate/drink as much as they want or just fill the cup up once and then when it's empty that's it? Being only 17 months, he can fill up pretty quick on milk during the meal, but I also don't want to be taking it away. I would prefer to just allow him to self regulate, but not sure what to do once the sippy cup is empty.”

Regulating Cow's Milk for Toddlers

It’s common for little ones to fill their tummies with milk instead of eating foods. To make sure that your child is getting the nutrition that he needs, use what I call the ‘control what's on the menu’ strategy regarding beverages (the same as with foods).

• Choose which meals/snacks you offer milk. In other words – you control what’s on the menu.
• Let him drink as much (i.e. as many glasses) of milk at those times as he wishes.
• At the other meals/snacks offer water.

This way there's no battle over how much milk he drinks. But he won't be able to fill his tummy with milk instead of eating at every meal/snack. Approx 500mL (2 cups) of milk provides calcium and vitamin D that little ones need without crowding out other nutritious foods. Little ones who drink more than 750mL (3 cups) of milk daily increase the risk that they’re not getting the nutrition that they need from eating a variety of foods. But again, it's not your job to referee how many cups he drinks at a meal/snack. Instead, use this as a guideline for how many meals/snacks to offer milk at. Restricting access (i.e. limiting the number of servings at a meal/snack) to a food or drink only increases a child’s desire for it. While restricting access usually comes from good intentions, it actually interferes with learning self-regulation. Another technique that can help make sure toddlers aren’t drinking too much cow’s milk is only offering milk in an open (lidless) cup. Often, toddlers who are drinking too much cow's milk are drinking it from a bottle or sippy cup. An open cup is more difficult for little ones to manage so it slows them down.

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Solid-Food Strikes: Should You Worry & What to Do

Thank you to the VIP who asked me this question: “[My son is] 19 months. I still nurse him quite a bit, and for the last 4 days he has refused any kinds of foods…and wants to nurse every 30 mins. (He does this when he has a cold, and people tell me teething).  Besides driving me crazy, I am concerned about his nutrition...are these breastfeeding [solid food] strikes still providing him with what he needs?” 

Why Babies Do Solid Food Strikes

In general, it is quite normal for little ones to regress to just breastmilk or formula when they aren't feeling well, such as with a cold/flu or teething. It's similar to when we adults are sick with a cold or flu and all we consume for a couple of days is chicken soup.

Solid Food Strike: Should You Worry

Breastmilk or formula alone doesn't meet all of a 19 month old's nutrition needs. As long as it's just for a few days it doesn't have a significant impact on his overall nutritional health because our bodies store carbohydrate and fat for exactly these types of situations. Of course their bodies are smaller than ours so they can’t go as long without adequate nutrition as we adults can. If a breastfeeding strike, or perhaps a more accurate term is “solid-food strike”, lasts more than a couple of days I recommend having your little one seen by your health professional to determine if something else is going on and whether any supplemental intake is required. In other words, this is the point when individual assessment is needed – my generalized advice that I can provide in this form of Q & A is no longer appropriate.

Solid Food Strike: What to Do

Even if he’s refusing to eat solid foods, continue to provide the same opportunities to eat solids as you would normally. Although perhaps prepare smaller servings so that you waste less food if/when he refuses to eat. I recommend this for two reasons:

1. Just as quickly as kids get sick, they get better. The next opportunity to eat may be the one that he’s feeling better at and decides to eat a ton because his appetite’s returned.
2. Sticking to your routine will make it easier to transition back when he’s feeling better.

If you suspect that it’s teething that’s causing the solid-food strike, then plan snacks that are soothing for sore gums. Cold and/or smooth are characteristics that can be soothing for sore gums. Examples include:

• Healthy ice pops
• Dairy-free, sugar-free banana “ice cream” or fruit granitas
• Fruit or fruit/veggie purees such as unsweetened apple sauce
• Yogurt

More Super Smoothies (for Picky Eater Kids)!

It happened again yesterday. I was leading a workshop and a parent asked me: “Is it wrong to give my child smoothies with veggies in them? Is this considered hiding veggies?” Rarely a workshop goes by without a parent asking me about smoothies for their picky eater kids. They’re such a popular trend these days. While I touched on this in last week’s blog post; it’s such a common question that I get about healthy snacks for kids that I thought that it was worthwhile to expand on it today. And, share some ideas for smoothie ingredients.

I think that smoothies are a great way to provide vegetables, fruit, protein, and healthy fats for kids. BUT there are a couple of key points to follow to be using them to role model healthy eating and support your child to try new foods on their own:

1. Don’t lie about the ingredients. This is when you start veering into the “hiding” territory. If you’re waking up at 2am to puree foods so that your child doesn’t know that they’re in a smoothie, then you’ve strayed in the wrong direction. This doesn’t mean that you have to read out to your child a list every last ingredient in a smoothie. But don’t deny a food’s existence. Having your child help make the smoothie (like I suggested last week) is a great way for them to know what’s in it.
2. Continue to serve “obvious” vegetables (and eat them yourself). Yes, even if your child doesn’t eat them, you’re role modeling choosing to eat vegetables. You’re teaching an important life lesson that I promise is sinking in (even if the vegetables aren’t getting eaten currently).

As I mentioned above, smoothies are a great way to provide vegetables, fruit, protein and healthy fats in a way that many picky eaters will actually eat. Here are some ingredient ideas. Note that some of the ingredients (e.g. nuts) require a higher-powered blender. Mix and match the ingredients to find combinations that you love. And don’t’ be afraid to experiment to find new favs. My new favourite is pistachio-mint-banana, which I was introduced to while on vacation in California last month!

Smoothie Ingredients - Vegetables:

• Spinach
• Kale
• Avocado (also helps a smoothie be creamy)
• Carrot (I find carrot that’s already grated to blend better than larger pieces)

Smoothie Ingredients - Fruit (choose fresh or frozen fruit instead of juice):

• Banana (also helps a smoothie be creamy)
• Berries of any kind
• Peaches
• Mango
• Pineapple
• Orange
• Kiwi

Smoothie Ingredients - Protein:

• Yogurt
• Cashews (or cashew butter)
• Ground almonds (or almond butter)
• Peanut butter
• Pistachios
• Pumpkin seeds (or pumpkin seed butter)
• Hemp hearts

Smoothie Ingredients - Healthy Fats:

• See all the nut and seed ideas above (including hemp hearts)
• Avocado
• Flax oil (or ground flax seeds)
• Hemp oil
• Fish oil
• Vitamin D drops

Other tasty ingredients (that pack more of a taste punch than a nutritional punch):

• Dates
• Mint
• Cocoa powder

Looking for more ideas? Check out the recipe for my Sunshine Smoothie (Orange-Pineapple-Fresh Turmeric) or these green smoothies.